Dear Josh,

It’s been a while since either of us have written.  I’m looking around my apartment in Freetown, Sierra Leone…don’t see you….guess we still don’t live together.  

Remember when we were cohabiting in Harlem in October and you laughed at my suitcase full of socks?  I dare you to ask me now how many pairs have survived here in Sierra Leone.  Two.  Who’s laughing now? Me.  Who is over conscious about their exposed toes now? Also, me.

Ready for a segue?  Socks are great.  Hey! Doesn’t the word ‘sock’ sound a little like ‘saki’?  I have a colleague here named Hiro, from Japan.  Segue complete.  

I now present to you, Things Hiro Has Said To Me:

On Love:
Sean, have you ever rloved woman?  Rearlly rloved?!  You know?!

Sean, run from woman.  Probrlem.  This my money!  Why she take?!!

Even the woman you rlove will a change you.  This kinds things happen arll the time.

On Cultural Stereotypes:
Hiro: Sean, you want Coke?
Me: Sure, why not?
Hiro: American! Arlways Coke.  I rlike!

Later that day….
Hiro: Sean, you want Coke?
Me: No thanks.
Hiro (tauntingly): No, you want Coke.  You rlike! Is right here.  
Me: Ok, if you insist…
Hiro: See. Coke. I read your mind!  So funny.

On Election Logistics:
Me: So, when the generators arrive, how will they determine the distribution plan?
Hiro: 50 generators come.

On Restaurant Logistics:
Me: Are you getting tired of eating in this restaurant every day?
Hiro: The documents. They coming.  That most important thing.  

I nod a lot when Hiro talks, not entirely sure what he’s usually saying.  Which brings me to English as a First Language days.  I have a friend here who takes what she calls EFL Days, days where she kicks back and does little work, because she is a native English speaker.  Her reasoning is because she is EFL she is wildly more productive than her other United Nation’s colleagues who can’t spit out coherent paragraphs sprinkled with an array of multi-syllable words.  For example, a document that takes her a day to write, might take a colleague with a Hiro-esque command of English a week to write.  She is not compensated for her wild productivity and is in fact given more work because she is so productive.  It hardly seems fair.  So, everyone once in a while (ahem, few days a week) she takes EFL days, where she doesn’t do shit, as a reward for being so productive normally and to lower her colleagues perception of her overall productivity.  It’s the United Nation’s equivalent of wearing track pants to work.  

Sincerely,
Sean