Dear Josh,

I have a telekinetic mouse behind my fridge. Consider this:

I purchased a metal box mouse trap. It is grated on three sides and the ceiling. A solid spring door swings down when the trap is triggered. In the center of the trap, a metal rod hangs from the ceiling and suspends a delectable chunk of cheese. The suspended cheese dangles 2-5 inches from any of the walls, the floor, and the ceiling.

The trap is perfect. Except that it doesn’t work. The latch that keeps the door open is too sensitive, so it is nearly impossible to set the trap. A fact I discovered several times when the door nearly de-fingered me. After an hour of fidgeting with the trap, I decided to just leave it there, shut, on the floor and to relax with a cold beverage. Several cold beverages later, I woke up in the morning. The cheese had moved from the metal rod and was wedged between the grated bars at the far end of the trap. The trap door was closed at all times. The trap was in the same location where I left it.

How did the mouse do this? My only conclusion is that the mouse must possess telekinetic abilities.

To test my hypothesis, I left several pieces of cheese around the house to determine if the mouse, by sheer power of thought, could move them.  Josh. Not only did the mouse move ALL the pieces of cheese, but he replicated himself so that there was more than ONE of him. Are you losing your shit yet? Just wait, it gets more surreal.

After the mouse replicated himself and bent his minds on transporting cheese through space, I started to wonder if he could move larger non-dairy objects. So, I left half a roasted chicken on the floor. Not only did the mouse move the roasted chicken, but he transmogrified into a rat and some ants. Explain that.

Sincerely,

Sean

- But seriously, on the first part, how did he get the cheese out of the trap?